The Child Comes First

Acknowledge Your Child's Feelings

Children need their feelings and reactions acknowledged. They need to feel that you, as a parent, can see how they are doing. Acknowledgment can be a hug, a few words, or a cozy moment together that you make happen.

Do a Daily Check-In with Yourself

Do a quick mental check-in every day: did you get a chance to show you care today? Parents also need to offer hope. Describe how you want things to look in a month, or in a year. What do the two of you have to look forward to together? And looking back at the past week — have you helped your child feel that you are on your way to something better?

Let the Child's Best Interests Guide Every Decision

Your child's safety has to be the starting point when you decide on housing and parenting time after the separation. Naturally, contact is easier if the child lives with both of you, so each of you can help and support your child in everyday life. For some parents, the relationship even gets a boost after the divorce: many describe growing closer to their child once they care for them on their own. But your availability changes dramatically when you no longer live together all the time, and you get less insight into your child's life when you don't see each other every day. You can still show you are there when your child needs you — even if it's by message.

A divorce shakes the foundations of everyday life. Even while you are reeling yourself, your child needs extra sensitivity from you. They need to know you are there for talks and comfort, and that you can hear what they feel and want. Children also need to keep a sense of control through the change and feel involved in the decisions being made. Being responsive also means sensing when to lift responsibility off your child's shoulders — and reassuring them that the adults will take charge of creating a calm, predictable life. Think child first!

For Your Child, the Family Continues After Separation

Parents need to get back on their feet after a divorce to have room for empathy and to hold their child's feelings. Whether you live together or apart, your parenting is shaped by how the two of you are doing with each other. A lack of support and trust — just like open conflict between parents — affects the child's relationship with each of you.

When the parental relationship drains your energy, it is harder to give your child attention. What matters for your child is that you take care of each other — or at the very least build a family in which you do not hurt each other. From the child's perspective, a family is still a family, and parents are still parents, after the divorce. You, your ex, and your children are still a family, even if you don't live together. Children do best when two pairs of eyes, each with a slightly different vantage point, are watching over them.

Separation means ending the love relationship and putting your effort into becoming a team with one shared goal: safe, steady parenting for your child. When you put your child first, you give them the best conditions to grow and thrive.

Parents play a crucial role in children's lives. You remain a full-time parent after the divorce, whether your child lives with you all the time, part of the time, or not at all. You are, and always will be, a hub that your child's life revolves around.

In the Co-parenting app, you can keep building that co-parenting relationship and create security and structure around your children.