Separation
Tough Questions From Your Child – How Do You Respond?
What to say when your child asks if you still love each other, or who wanted the divorce. Example answers to six tough questions, from a child psychologist.
Checklist: Separating With Children
When a lot is happening and life feels uncertain, children especially need to hear one thing: "there is a plan." Here are the questions to think through before and during a separation, so you can build a plan for the coming weeks and months.
Questions to Consider When Separating With Children
Whether you can build the plan together or are handling things alone, having a plan shows your children that you are there for them — and that they don't need to take responsibility for what's happening. That's the adults' job.
Questions to consider and agree on for the coming weeks and months might include:
- Where will each adult live?
- Where, and how, will the child live? Set up the child's schedule in the app from the start to stay organized. Feel free to read about shared custody here and browse the different schedule types in the app for inspiration.
- How will we communicate with each other — through the app, text, or email? Perhaps only about topics concerning the child, if there has been conflict in the past.
- Who will handle drop-offs and pick-ups at daycare, school, and activities?
- How will we manage the child's clothes and gear? Duplicate sets, or packed bags? Find out more here.
- How will we handle financial matters? Use the Finance Assistant in the app!
- How will we manage sick days? Define the arrangements clearly if you can.
- When, and how, should we tell the children?
- When, and how, should we tell others (daycare/school, friends, extended family) about our separation?
Document Your Agreement
Create a list in the app and write down your agreement as it stands today. That way, you both stay on the same page.
It's Okay to Figure Things Out as You Go
Be humble about not having all the answers. That's okay. Answer as best you can based on what you know right now. You might say something like: "I don't know all the details yet, but I/we adults will handle it. You don't need to worry about it. When I know more, I'll let you know."
Elisabeth Scholander Family law attorney and mediator, specialized in conflict resolution for families
27 August 2026
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How to Tell Others About Your Separation
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Separation
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