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How to Tell Others About Your Separation
Agreeing on a shared message about your separation can feel awkward, but it means you back each other up publicly — even if you feel deeply betrayed inside (that's okay). Here are tips for simple, clear communication that reassures your children and you.
How Should We Communicate?
Consider sending an email to the people you want to inform. Writing it down lets you choose your words carefully, so both of you feel comfortable with the message.
Telling Your Child's School
Email the responsible teacher to let them know that you, the parents, are separating. Explain what it means for your child in practice: the living arrangements and the time spent with each parent (a schedule with days and times). Keep the email short and stick to the essential facts. If your child has particular needs right now, mention them briefly.
Include both of your phone numbers and email addresses so the school can reach either of you with questions or concerns.
If you share custody, it's crucial for your child that each parent now takes responsibility for staying informed about school. Get your own login to school platforms like Schoolsoft and check them weekly. Make yourself visible to the school, and always respond when the teacher calls or emails. Otherwise you risk falling out of the loop on your child's education — especially if you live in a different area.
Informing Family, Friends, and Others Around Your Child
How much you share, and with whom, is of course up to each of you. Still, it can help to agree on a common message for your wider circle. That sets the tone for how others treat both you and your children going forward, and it gives your kids important support.
Explain what daily life will look like for your children and for you, and make clear that you, as their parents, have a plan. Ideally you do this together — but if that's not possible, do it on your own.
If needed, be clear that you won't tolerate negative talk about the other parent, especially in front of your child. When you need to vent, choose someone you trust not to pass it on.
Note: Prepare the emails to everyone you need to inform, but talk to your child first — before anything goes out to others.
Elisabeth Scholander Family law attorney and mediator, specialized in conflict resolution for families
27 August 2026
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