Tough Questions From Your Child – How Do You Respond?

Questions Children Often Ask About the Separation

“Do you still love each other?”

No, not as a couple anymore — that’s why we’re separating. But we love you, and we’re going to keep being your parents together.

“Will you ever get back together?”

No. Our love for each other as a couple has ended.

“Who wants the divorce?”

Answer honestly if it wasn’t a mutual decision, but skip the adult explanations and don’t blame each other. Even when one of you wants the divorce, the reason lies in how things have been between you. It’s fine to admit you’re sad or angry right now — just explain that those feelings will fade. Don’t lie, but don’t give more information than your child is actually asking for.

“Has one of you met someone else or been unfaithful?”

This is a delicate balance between honesty and oversharing, because the focus can easily shift to the new relationship or the infidelity itself. If infidelity played a part in the divorce, it should be acknowledged — but base your answer on what serves your child, not on what feels good to say. If the new person was a brief affair, or won’t be part of the child’s life, you might steer away from the topic: “This is about the three of us, and that’s what we want to talk about now.” Or you might confirm it plainly: “Yes, Mom has met someone, but our divorce is about how Mom and I have been together.” If your child has heard or suspected that someone else is involved, they need that confirmation.

“Why can’t I be with both of you all the time?”

Because Mom and I aren’t happy living together. We want to live in separate homes so we can feel happier and calmer. You’ll still be with both of us — just not at the same time.

“Will the whole family never be together again?”

If you do plan to spend time together, describe what that will look like: shared birthdays and school events, or the occasional coffee or dinner together? If you won’t be, explain that too. You might say it feels too hard to meet as a group right now, so you won’t all be together at the same time. Hopefully it will feel easier in the future — but don’t promise something you can’t keep.

Summary

• Answer your child's questions honestly, but don't give more information than they're asking for.
• Skip the adult explanations and don’t blame each other. It’s fine to admit you’re sad or angry — just explain that those feelings will fade.
• Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
• Give your child hope: things are difficult right now, but they usually get better after the separation.