Cooperation
How Toxic Messages to Your Co-Parent Affect Your Child
Hostile texts and emails to your co-parent reach your child even if they never read them. Child psychologist Malin Bergström explains why — and what helps.
More Tips to Minimize Conflict Between Parents
Breaking old conflict patterns takes deliberate strategies — both when you prepare to deal with your co-parent and in the heat of the moment when anger starts to rise. Child psychologist Malin Bergström shares more practical tips for calmer communication.
Keep Your Agreements
Pick up and drop off your child as agreed, and be on time. If you're running late or something comes up, tell your co-parent as early as possible so they can plan around it — or at least understand the change.
Use "I" Statements and Skip the Superlatives
If there's tension in your co-parenting relationship and you need to talk, use "I" statements: "I get stressed when you're late, because it makes me late too" — instead of "You never show up on time. I'm always waiting for you!"
Take Responsibility for Your Own Parenting
You decide how you want to parent, and your co-parent does the same. That means owning your part of the parenting without interference from the other parent — as long as the child is safe and happy in both homes.
Be Accommodating When You Can
If your co-parent asks for help, try to say yes when you can. Children love seeing their parents help each other out without irritation — it shows them you both live up to your promise of being there for them. It also helps you avoid power struggles, over the child or between yourselves.
Why Less Conflict Matters for Your Child
Children need a secure, stable environment with loving adults around them. By minimizing conflict and doing your part to reduce the arguments, you are acting in your child's best interest.
Malin Bergström Child psychologist, associate professor and author
27 August 2026
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