How to Help Your Child Build Resilience

What Is Resilience in Children?

A big part of how children handle crises and difficult events comes down to their resilience — the ability to bounce back. Resilience is connected to a child's personality, but it's also something we parents can influence. When we give children hope and show trust in their ability to manage change, we strengthen it. And facing life's inevitable difficulties together teaches children valuable lessons about life itself.

How to Support Your Child's Resilience

• Show your child that you trust their ability to handle difficulties.
• Be available and be a support, whether the need is practical or emotional.
• Take your child's feelings and questions seriously.
• Don't assume your child will react a particular way — meet them where they are.
• Give your child knowledge and a sense of control by preparing them and involving them in what's happening, in a way that fits their age.

Show Your Children That They Matter and Have a Role to Play

Consider giving your child a task now that everyday life isn't rolling along as usual. And show your appreciation when they take the initiative to support a sibling, or try to cheer you up or comfort you when you're down. When children comfort us and take responsibility, it often stirs up guilt in adults — but as long as you and your co-parent carry the heaviest load, it's genuinely good for children to be able to contribute.

Knowledge and Control Build Resilience

Your child needs to be able to ask questions and be part of what's going on. The trick is involving children just the right amount — not shielding them from everything, or they end up the last to know what's happening in their own family. Involvement never means children should carry adult responsibility or become a dumping ground for their parents' emotions. It means they get to see what's going on, take part in what matters, and feel prepared. For younger children, that can be as concrete as the teddy coming along, or knowing who will pick them up from daycare. For older children, it can mean insight and a say in where they will live — or help keeping up contact with friends and staying in their sports and activities.

Summary

• Resilience depends on several factors: the child's personality, and how we parents act.
• Giving children hope, and showing faith in their ability to cope with change, strengthens them.
• When you handle difficulties together, your child gains valuable life experience.
• You strengthen your children by being there for them and being a support.
• Taking children's feelings and questions seriously builds their resilience.
• Let your child be involved in the process, in step with their age and maturity.