Birthdays, Mother's Day and Father's Day

The children's birthdays

Whoever has the day

The birthday stays in the regular rotation. The other parent calls, and celebrates on their own next day with the child. It is the simplest arrangement and avoids an extra exchange.

Alternate by year

One parent has the birthday in even-numbered years, the other in odd-numbered years, overriding the rotation for the day or the evening.

Split the day

After school with one parent, dinner and cake with the other. It works when the homes are close and the exchange is easy.

One party, or two

Some parents host one party together, which children often love — but only if the two of you can be calm in the same room. If not, two smaller celebrations are better than one tense one.

Agree, too, whether brothers and sisters stay together on each other's birthdays. Many plans say they do.

Mother's Day and Father's Day

A common rule is that the children spend Mother's Day with their mother and Father's Day with their father every year — often from morning until early evening — whatever the rotation says. The rest of the weekend usually stays with the rotation, unless you agree otherwise.

If both parents are mothers or both are fathers, give each parent a day of their choosing, or alternate the day by year. If a parent has died or is not in the child's life, the child may want to mark the day with a grandparent or another important adult; read when a parent disappears from a child's life.

Mother's Day in the United States and Canada is the second Sunday of May. The UK's Mothering Sunday is three weeks before Easter Sunday, so it moves around March. Father's Day is the third Sunday of June in all three countries.

The parents' own birthdays

Many plans give the parent whose birthday it is a few hours or a dinner with the children if it falls in the other parent's time. Helping the children make or buy something for the other parent's birthday is one of the kindest things a co-parent can do, and children notice.

Gifts, invitations and parties

• Keep one wishlist. In the app, a shared wishlist lets both parents see gift ideas and tick off what has been bought, so the same present does not arrive twice. Choose who can see it, so the child does not.
• Make sure invitations reach both homes. Photograph a party invitation and the app's AI turns it into a calendar event; read the family calendar that fills itself in.
• Agree on costs. Who pays for the party and the big present, and how it is split. The Finance Assistant keeps the children's costs in one place.

Putting it in the Co-parenting app

Public holidays are filled in for where you live, and you can import your child's actual school holidays — the dates the school has published — for almost every school across North America, the EU and Australia. See how to import a school calendar, then check the dates it finds against the school's own information.

A birthday or a parent's day goes into the schedule as a proposal: change the days directly, or apply a template between two dates — a different rotation for the summer, for example. Nothing changes until the other parent accepts it, and once the schedule is active, every change is a request the other parent has to accept. The FAQ has more on schedules and change requests.

Related guides

• Holiday custody schedule: the four ways to split holidays, with an even/odd-year example
• Thanksgiving custody schedule: five common arrangements, with dates to 2030
• Christmas and winter break: splitting Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and halving the break
• Spring break and summer: summer rotations, vacation weeks and notice deadlines
• What to include in a parenting plan: the full checklist

Frequently asked questions