Living in two homes can feel good sometimes and difficult at other times. You might enjoy time with each parent and still hate packing. You do not have to choose one feeling, and you do not have to make the arrangement work on your own.
You might miss someone while having fun where you are. You might feel relieved after a difficult time, or wish things were different. You do not have to pretend that everything is fine to protect an adult’s feelings.
There can be things you enjoy in each home: reading together, cooking, seeing a sibling or having a familiar place to relax. Enjoying those things does not mean you love someone else less.
Forgetting a schoolbook or a favourite jumper is frustrating. Adults can help you make a plan. You could say:
You do not need to solve the whole schedule to explain a problem. Try describing what happens and what you need.
For example: “I am really tired after the journey on school mornings,” or “I miss football because I cannot get there from this house.” Adults are responsible for considering what can change. You are not responsible for settling a disagreement between them.
Asking for help is different from being asked to negotiate for a parent. Money, arguments and arrangements between adults are their responsibility.
If you are asked to pass on an upsetting message, you can tell a trusted adult: “I do not want to be in the middle. Can you talk to each other another way?” You do not have to keep trying if saying that feels unsafe.
You might speak to a parent, teacher, school counsellor, relative or another trusted adult. It can help to start with “There is something about moving between homes that I want help with.”
If someone hurts you, threatens you or makes you feel unsafe, tell a trusted adult. If the first person does not help, try another. You do not need to decide whether the problem is serious enough before asking for help. In immediate danger, get help from an adult nearby or emergency services.
The adults may not be able to change everything immediately. They can still listen, explain the plan and help with the things that are hard.
Based on the original article by Malin Bergström.
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England
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