Separation
Checklist: Separating With Children
Separating with children? A checklist of what to sort out first: where everyone lives, the schedule, handovers, money, sick days, and what to tell the kids.
Separation Is a Crisis You Go Through
For many people, a separation brings sadness, worry, and anger all at once. Those feelings are natural — a separation is a crisis, and a crisis is something you go through.
A Natural Response to a Major Life Change
No two people respond to divorce the same way. Your personality and the strategies you normally use to cope with hardship play a role, and so does whether the separation came as an unwelcome shock or as something you could prepare for — perhaps even welcome. But some kind of crisis is inevitable. It would be sad if a life change this big left us unmoved, as if the things we lost never mattered. The same goes for children: it hurts to see your kids sad, but it would be worse if they felt nothing, or didn't dare show it.
The Signs of a Crisis
Maybe what you're going through is all you can think about, night and day. Maybe you feel you've lost both your identity and everything you lived for. A crisis is an event or situation that threatens our basic needs and that our usual attitudes and strategies can't handle. We feel helpless and out of control, as if the very foundation of our existence has been shaken. Stability crumbles, both within us and around us, and the things we build our lives on are affected: everyday routines, our sense of safety and security, the predictability of life, and our trust in ourselves and others. Don't lose hope. Try to hold on to the good things in life, however small. With time and effort, you will come through this — and often come out stronger.
When You Are the One Being Left
If your partner leaves you, the crisis reaction is often more acute than if you had chosen to end the relationship yourself. You are forced into a change you didn't choose, and it can be hard to see past the losses, the anger, and the sense of failure.
Common Crisis Reactions
- Feeling hopeless
- Panic attacks
- Restlessness
- Emotional detachment
- Sleep disturbances
- Anger and irritability
- Withdrawing from social activities
- Difficulty concentrating
- Trouble remembering things
- Confusion
Summary
- How you respond to a divorce is personal, but for most people it is a life crisis.
- For the one who is left, the crisis reaction is often more acute than for the one who chooses to leave.
- A crisis can show itself as hopelessness, panic, anger, sadness, confusion, and trouble concentrating or remembering things.
Malin Bergström Child psychologist, associate professor and author
27 August 2026
The app that frees up time for what's important
"The turning point came when we found the Every Other Week app. There's less fuss and both of us have a better handle on things. It feels so great!”
"Thank you so much for this app, it has finally gotten us to communicate!”
Related reading
Separation
Tough Questions From Your Child – How Do You Respond?
What to say when your child asks if you still love each other, or who wanted the divorce. Example answers to six tough questions, from a child psychologist.
Separation
How to Talk to Your Children About Your Separation
Telling your children about a separation is hard. Child psychologist Malin Bergström on when to tell them, what to say and how to handle the days after.