Separation
Checklist: Separating With Children
Separating with children? A checklist of what to sort out first: where everyone lives, the schedule, handovers, money, sick days, and what to tell the kids.
Food, Sleep, and Physical Symptoms After a Separation
Trouble sleeping, a lost appetite, or unexplained aches are common in children after a separation. Small gestures — a favorite dinner, an open door in the middle of the night — go a long way, and so does knowing their parents can still talk to each other.
Help Your Child Understand Their Body and Feelings
Physical and mental health are closely connected. Worry and stress can show up as pain, loss of appetite, or difficulty sleeping. Children are still learning to understand themselves and to read their emotions as messengers of what's going on inside. It can be a comfort when you help them see that the headache may be connected to worry after the divorce, or to stress at school.
How Can You Help a Child With Aches or Sleep Problems?
A gentle massage can be a way to get closer to a child with tense shoulders, a stomach ache, or a headache. Remember that the pain is real, whether its origin is physical or psychological. For a child who has trouble sleeping, a bedside chat or a cup of tea in the middle of the night can help. Adults with sleep problems are often told to write down their worries and list what's stressing them; for children, a chat at bedtime or a calm cup of tea in the evening serves the same purpose. Instead of the worries whirling around in their head, you help carry the burden. A child who has slept in their own bed for a long time may need to sleep next to a parent again for a while. It can also help to remove what's stressing them where you can, and to give life enough structure that it feels predictable and understandable.
Can You and Your Co-Parent Help Each Other?
If your parenting team has a reasonable atmosphere for dialogue, talk together about how best to support your child. A coordinated approach across both homes increases your child's sense of security.
Summary
- Body and emotions are closely connected. Headaches, stomach aches, and sleep problems can be signs of stress or of poor physical or mental well-being.
- Spend time with your child, and be prepared for them to need extra care in different ways going forward. Be patient.
- Talk to your co-parent and support your child in both homes. It warms a child's heart to know their parents can talk and cooperate even though they're no longer a couple.
Malin Bergström Child psychologist, associate professor and author
Last updated:
27 August 2026
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