Check In With Yourself During a Separation

How Am I Feeling?

Check in with yourself from time to time and see how you're doing. You don't have to sit with the feeling for long if it's really tough, but it's good to have a general sense of where you are.

Feelings often swing widely during a separation, whether the breakup was wanted or not. Some people process much of it before the actual separation; others are caught off guard by the decision. Know that healing usually takes time — and that grief is not linear.

Do I Need to Talk to Someone?

This is one of our most important pieces of advice: dare to talk about what you're going through with someone you trust. Call a good friend, or book an appointment with a therapist who can give you extra support for a while. It doesn't have to be for very long.

What Do I Need to Feel Okay — or Better?

Look at your everyday life as it is right now. Make a mini-plan for how you'll take care of yourself, and add kind routines that make you feel good — ideally every day.

• Where Will I Live? What do I need to feel okay in my home? New sheets, scented candles, a night light?
• What Will I Eat? Tip: the cookbook "Every Other Week" by Johanna Westman has recipes for both the weeks with kids and the weeks without.
• What Will My Exercise Routine Look Like? Super tip: if you're not exercising, start now.
• Do I Need Some Relief at Work? Cut back my hours? Change jobs? Or work more for financial reasons?

If You Were Your Own Best Friend, What Advice Would You Give?

It may sound a bit abstract, but this question highlights something important: we are often much better at caring for others than for ourselves. Give yourself time, care, and space to process what has happened. For most people, things do get better and calmer after a separation.