Psychologist Maria Farm and journalist Lisa Bjärbo wanted to read more about the realities of shared custody life—so they wrote the book they felt was missing. Drawing from their personal experiences and in-depth interviews with separated parents, they explore common questions and introduce “new” topics in parenting, such as finances, gender equality, and unique challenges for children and parents with neurodevelopmental disorders (NPD). Discover more here!
What inspired psychologist Maria Farm and journalist Lisa Bjärbo to write a book about life as a separated parent? The answer is simple: they wanted to read a book about what happens after a separation.
"My kids were getting older, and I had questions about living in a shared custody arrangement. I called Maria to ask which book I should read," Lisa Bjärbo shares. "Reading up on things is my way of coping."
Maria Farm adds: "I’m a few years ahead of Lisa in this every-other-week life, and as we talked, the idea of writing a book about everyday life in shared custody began to take shape."
To reflect diverse experiences, they gathered input from other separated parents. Through a social media survey, they received nearly 500 responses. "The answers flooded in," says Lisa. "We then conducted in-depth interviews with about thirty parents, whose stories and quotes are included in the book."
Many parents expressed a desire to feel “done” with the separation. "A lot of people think that everything difficult stems from the separation itself, but that’s not necessarily the case," Maria explains. "We need to stop labeling the separation as purely negative. It’s part of our life’s journey and will affect us in different ways over time."
Lisa reflects, "When you’re in the midst of it, you think you can find a practical solution and then you’ll be done. But that’s not how it works. You’ll be navigating this for the rest of your life."
Maria adds, "One day, those of us living the every-other-week life with our kids might become grandparents to a little one. If we have a good co-parenting relationship now, we can come together beautifully around that grandchild. That’s something we might not think about in the here and now."
During their interviews, it became clear that topics like finances and children with special needs were crucial areas for parents to explore. The chapter on Gender and Equality also felt important to include. Maria explains, “It’s about the perception of parents and the visible and invisible demands that often differ for moms and dads. It’s important to shine a light on that.”
Since the book’s release in September, the response has been overwhelmingly positive. "We’ve received emails from parents who have read it cover to cover and felt less alone, more understood," says Lisa. Maria adds, "Some readers who went through shared custody years ago have had conversations with their now-grown children about how they experienced their childhood in two homes. It’s heartwarming to hear."
The book is published by Natur & Kultur.
Elisabeth Scholander Family Law Attorney and Mediator, Specialized in Conflict Resolution for Families
16 October 2024
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